Ask
Doctor Goodheart ... Advice Column
    
December
2006
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Hey Doctor Goodheart,
Theres this guy name shawn
that I really like I believe he likes me to cuz he told
me he likes me we always are around each other flirting
and stuff he always sits next to me and once he ask e out
in a way but I didn't responds to him were always flirting
a lot so wut should I do and what is going on wit us does
he want to be with me cuz he said he wants to get to know
me and wants me to get to know him.
love always,
Confused |
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"Getting
to know each other is fun."
Dear
Confused:
I think you can breathe freely.
From the sounds of it, whenever a guy says "I
want to get to know you," and more so, "I want
you to get to know me," he's probably nearly always
100% interested in you as more than just a friend. If
you two have been hanging out "a lot" and "flirting,"
and semi-date requests have ensued, I suggest you examine
your heart and decide whether or not you intend for your
little flirting scenarios to lead to something more. If
yes, relax; it sounds like your guy is prepared to make
a move. So listen to your heart, pay attention to
his flirting signals, and spend time enjoying getting to
know your "friend" Shawn.
Best of luck,
Dr. Goodheart, Flirting.com |
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Dear Dr. Goodheart,
Theres this girl at my church
that I've had my eye on for a while. For a while it seemed
like there was no interest except maybe a couple times i
would try to make eye contact and sometimes she'd look back.
Every sunday she practices on a piano for 1 of the services
at 9:30 AM (room1). At 10:30 AM she moves to the room right
next door (room 2) to play pianno so the choir can practice.* (Also they always suit
up when practicing) No one shows up to church until 10:30AM
except her/her mom and me/brother/mom and Im positive she
knows this.
Last Sunday around 10:10AM or so I came up to room 2 to
drop off some stuff and as i was doing that she walked in
and started to play in there. She was early and wasnt suited
up and I'm 100% sure she knew I was in there. I asked her
to play/teach me a song i printed out.(I printed this out
so that I'd have a way to approach her.) She smiled and
said she'd try. She played a little, smiled/laughed. I handed
her my headphones to show her what it was supposed to sound
like and after a while she handed them back. She then asked
me what school i went to and i asked her. She then asked
to keep the printed music and said she could teach me. I
asked her name and I started to walk out (I DON'T KNOW WHY!)
And as i was doing that she asked me my name.
I know I may be hoping for too much but I cant stop thinking
about her. I keep couting the days until the next sunday.
Am I hoping for too much? Any advice on how i could get
closer?
-A. Kim |
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"Its
music to his ears."
Dear
A. Kim
Like our friend above, I would
suggest relaxing. It sounds like both of you are pretty
shy. But though she’s playing coy, it seems she is
definitely giving you positive signals to continue approaching
her. However, based on how innocent, reserved, and cautious
all your interactions have been thus far, (not to mention
they are taking place in a holy sanctuary), I suggest continuing
at a slow but sincere pace. Also, it may be best to try
and move beyond the church since, while at church, you should
be concentrating on worshipping the Lord, rather than pursuing
a relationship. Instead, try asking her to meet you
early next Sunday to teach you more of that song she promised
to learn for you (note: yet another hint she’s interested). |
After
you guys are done running through a quick mini lesson, suggest
meeting for lunch and practicing elsewhere- like say your's
or her house, or again, at the church even. That way
you edge your way slowly into the realm of dating without
putting any initial, obvious pressure on the situation;
which, from the sound of it, may keep both you and her most
comfortable. Eventually, if all goes well, lunch dates
can and should turn into dinner dates where who knows, maybe
even a good movie and some flowers work their way into the
picture.
If you have any other questions feel free to email.
Best of luck,
Dr. Goodheart, Flirting.com |
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Dear
Dr. Goodheart,
I like this hottie in my s.s.
class & I asked him where my friend was he was playin
around got in my face saying u talkin bout the 1 in are
class and I dont know if I should ask him out.
Sincerly,
Pretty Princess
p.s. He is a friend of mine. |
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"Make
him earn your affection."
Dear
Pretty Princess,
I must admit, unfortunately,
I am not quite sure I understand the situation. Are
you asking me if you should ask the friend out or the guy
who got in your face? You said you asked where your
friend was, which I at first assumed to be a girl. But then,
you said in your "P.S." that "he" is
a friend of mine. So I must admit, I’m a bit
confused.
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However,
assuming you are interested in the guy who “got in
your face," I would suggest considering:
1) your heart,
and
2) is this guy is all that respectful if he is "getting
in your face," as you say?
Unfortunately I can only
try to infer from the situation based on what you say. So,
if he was trying to be playful about his demeanor, he may
just be interested in you as a friend. Or, conversely,
he may by unsure as to how you feel; hence his using bodily
gestures to gauge your interest. By asserting a form
of bodily contact, or by conflating distances between you
and him via his body, he forces you to react physically.
If, when he moved into your space, you found yourself
intrigued or interested, it's likely that you may like him.
The question is, however, whether or not you conveyed
that you are interested by reciprocating his body language.
If you want to take things slowly, or cautiously, I would
recommend waiting for him to make the next move. And
make sure his next move is one that's more sincere than
just "getting in your face"; his next move should
be less based on defensive, aggressive body communication.
For any good relationship to work, you need to be
able to first and foremost communicate in dialog.
Best of luck,
Dr. Goodheart, Flirting.com. |
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