Doctor Goodheart's Advice Column - Flirting.com

Ask Doctor Goodheart ... Advice Column

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December 2006

Hey Doctor Goodheart,

Theres this guy name shawn that I really like I believe he likes me to cuz he told me he likes me we always are around each other flirting and stuff he always sits next to me and once he ask e out in a way but I didn't responds to him were always flirting a lot so wut should I do and what is going on wit us does he want to be with me cuz he said he wants to get to know me and wants me to get to know him.

love always,

Confused

goodheart

"Getting to know each other is fun."

Dear Confused:

I think you can breathe freely.  From the sounds of it, whenever a guy says "I want to get to know you," and more so, "I want you to get to know me," he's probably nearly always 100% interested in you as more than just a friend.  If you two have been hanging out "a lot" and "flirting," and semi-date requests have ensued, I suggest you examine your heart and decide whether or not you intend for your little flirting scenarios to lead to something more.  If yes, relax; it sounds like your guy is prepared to make a move.  So listen to your heart, pay attention to his flirting signals, and spend time enjoying getting to know your "friend" Shawn.

Best of luck,

Dr. Goodheart, Flirting.com

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Dear Dr. Goodheart,

Theres this girl at my church that I've had my eye on for a while. For a while it seemed like there was no interest except maybe a couple times i would try to make eye contact and sometimes she'd look back. Every sunday she practices on a piano for 1 of the services at 9:30 AM (room1). At 10:30 AM she moves to the room right next door (room 2) to play pianno so the choir can practice.* (Also they always suit up when practicing) No one shows up to church until 10:30AM except her/her mom and me/brother/mom and Im positive she knows this.

Last Sunday around 10:10AM or so I came up to room 2 to drop off some stuff and as i was doing that she walked in and started to play in there. She was early and wasnt suited up and I'm 100% sure she knew I was in there. I asked her to play/teach me a song i printed out.(I printed this out so that I'd have a way to approach her.) She smiled and said she'd try. She played a little, smiled/laughed. I handed her my headphones to show her what it was supposed to sound like and after a while she handed them back. She then asked me what school i went to and i asked her. She then asked to keep the printed music and said she could teach me. I asked her name and I started to walk out (I DON'T KNOW WHY!) And as i was doing that she asked me my name.

I know I may be hoping for too much but I cant stop thinking about her. I keep couting the days until the next sunday. Am I hoping for too much? Any advice on how i could get closer?

-A. Kim

goodheart

"Its music to his ears."

Dear A. Kim

Like our friend above, I would suggest relaxing.  It sounds like both of you are pretty shy. But though she’s playing coy, it seems she is definitely giving you positive signals to continue approaching her. However, based on how innocent, reserved, and cautious all your interactions have been thus far, (not to mention they are taking place in a holy sanctuary), I suggest continuing at a slow but sincere pace. Also, it may be best to try and move beyond the church since, while at church, you should be concentrating on worshipping the Lord, rather than pursuing a relationship.  Instead, try asking her to meet you early next Sunday to teach you more of that song she promised to learn for you (note: yet another hint she’s interested).  

After you guys are done running through a quick mini lesson, suggest meeting for lunch and practicing elsewhere- like say your's or her house, or again, at the church even.  That way you edge your way slowly into the realm of dating without putting any initial, obvious pressure on the situation; which, from the sound of it, may keep both you and her most comfortable.  Eventually, if all goes well, lunch dates can and should turn into dinner dates where who knows, maybe even a good movie and some flowers work their way into the picture.

If you have any other questions feel free to email.  

Best of luck,

Dr. Goodheart, Flirting.com

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Dear Dr. Goodheart,

I like this hottie in my s.s. class & I asked him where my friend was he was playin around got in my face saying u talkin bout the 1 in are class and I dont know if I should ask him out.

Sincerly,

Pretty Princess

p.s. He is a friend of mine.

goodheart

"Make him earn your affection."

Dear Pretty Princess,

I must admit, unfortunately, I am not quite sure I understand the situation.  Are you asking me if you should ask the friend out or the guy who got in your face?  You said you asked where your friend was, which I at first assumed to be a girl. But then, you said in your "P.S." that "he" is a friend of mine.  So I must admit, I’m a bit confused.

However, assuming you are interested in the guy who “got in your face," I would suggest considering:

1) your heart, and
2) is this guy is all that respectful if he is "getting in your face," as you say?

Unfortunately I can only try to infer from the situation based on what you say.  So, if he was trying to be playful about his demeanor, he may just be interested in you as a friend.  Or, conversely, he may by unsure as to how you feel; hence his using bodily gestures to gauge your interest.  By asserting a form of bodily contact, or by conflating distances between you and him via his body, he forces you to react physically.  If, when he moved into your space, you found yourself intrigued or interested, it's likely that you may like him.  The question is, however, whether or not you conveyed that you are interested by reciprocating his body language.  

If you want to take things slowly, or cautiously, I would recommend waiting for him to make the next move.  And make sure his next move is one that's more sincere than just "getting in your face"; his next move should be less based on defensive, aggressive body communication.  For any good relationship to work, you need to be able to first and foremost communicate in dialog.  

Best of luck,

Dr. Goodheart, Flirting.com.

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