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Dear Dr. Goodheart:

I love a man 2 years now, the whole thing started when i felt he likes me, i didn't want to scare him when i tell him that I love him so I just told him that I like him. Unfortunately he had to travel abroad so we didn't have any chance for dating, so it was all online. There's that woman who likes him, she kept convincing me that there's something between them so that drove me to fight with him every day until one day I told him I regret this relationship so he broke up with me, I begged him for a whole day to stay but he just said "we are a bad couple"... Later, he started being nice with me again, but I was kinda rejecting him, until this woman went and told him that he's the man of her dreams and that she wants to marry him, he went for it, but she ended the whole thing when she knew something about him that Ialready knew.

A MONTH later, he came home and told me he loves me and he wants to marry me, he said he didn't love this woman, and that he always felt there's something wrong with their relationship. He also said that he doesn't fall in love easily yet he loves me very much and that he's willing to do anything to prove his love to me.

The problem is that I have the password for his email account, I took a look at the emails which used to be between them, they were more like poems, if i spend a million year I won't be able to write a single line of those. I also read the emails he used to send her it was like " I love you more than life", "My heart is yours".

I don't know how to deal with this, he said that these were words he didn't mean but he had to write just to keep the thing going. Is this possible? Does he really love me like he says? Is it possible that he can love me after one month from their break up?

One more thing, I'm a shy girl, and i feel that i can't write or say the words she used to write him, so i feel my self cold compared to her...

Please help me with your advice.

Thank you very much,

Sweet Baby

Dear Sweet Baby:

First lesson in love: Trust is EVERYTHING. I’m not sure if you acquired this man’s email either through “stealthy secret spy” moves, or if he gave it to you out of trust. If the former, then you are already displaying a weakness in the relationship: you.

Your inability to trust this man so much so that you would snoop on his private emails is very concerning; it can only ever bring about heartache. As mature individuals, we all have complicated lives, and that includes our histories and private lives that we don’t necessarily intend to share with significant others. When and if the time comes, these so-called “secrets” may come out; however, more than likely we tend to shelter these aspects of our lives, not because we don’t love and trust our partner, but because we don’t want to hurt them for mistakes we made in the past; mistakes which, no matter how much we regret them, we can’t take back. But, your spying on the emails resurrects those mistakes and forces him to confess of them defensively. It also allows you to speculate out-of-context because you don’t have his back-story to fully understand how and why those emails are written the way they are. Consequently, his telling you that “he loves you” and “he only told her those things to keep their relationship going” very well may be true; but, because you have read these emails, his “love poems” as you call them, you will always already suspect him of not being one-hundred percent truthful to you.

If you wish to have any chance at having a relationship with this man, however, it is important that you trust him for his word, only questioning it when his actions demonstrate otherwise. If he says he loves you, believe it.

It sounds like this woman was very meddlesome and conniving; consequently, its no surprise this man was confused because this woman had her “finger in the cookie jar” at all times, so to speak. From what you say, this woman provoked him to react in precisely the manner he did; he acted defensively and protective of his own heart, leaving you only because he thought you didn’t love him (thanks to a certain woman’s convincing suggestions) and, of course, because he thought this other woman did love him. But, when that didn’t work out, when he finally saw her for who she really was, the relationship fizzled, and he came back to who he thought was always right for him from the beginning: you. So, yes, in complete truth, he may have meant some of what he said to her; he may have actually thought he loved her, once. SO WHAT. No one wants to feel lonely, and it’s very likely he projected his heartache from his breakup with you onto this relationship with the other woman. So he may have “thought” his feeling were true at the time; he may have “thought” that he actually loved her, but he now understands that he never did. That’s ALL that matters. After all this woman has done to try and sabotage your relationship, be grateful that this man was big enough to see through the schemes and come back to you in the end. Give him the benefit of the doubt and let him love you the way he says he does. Trust me, actions always speak louder than words; no matter how fancy those “love poems” were, you’re the one he keeps coming back to.

PS: If he, by the way, gave you access to his email (for whatever reason), he only did so because he trusts you and believed that you could handle finding whatever you came across; all the more reasons to stop doubting him and move forward, happily, with your reunited love.

Best of luck,

Dr. Goodheart, Flirting.com.