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Doctor Goodheart ... Advice Column
September 2006
Dear Dr. Goodheart,
There is this
handsome dude in my English class and I'm very attracted to him.
I saw him on Wednesday as I was on my way to the school library
and he was eying me as well as his friends. I didn't like it because
I'm a shy person. Well, we were in class today and I caught
him twice looking at me from across the room. Is it like he is
interested in me or what?
SM
Dear SM,
Usually guys
won't go out of their way to let you catch them eyeing you…
unless they want you to! It seems your "handsome dude"
may be a little smitten. I say, follow your instinct and
return his frequent eye contact with a coy smile. Providing
he's interested, your subtle signal should be inviting enough
to initiate a conversation. The ball's in your court
from there on.
Best of luck,
Dr. Goodheart
/ Flirting.com
* * *
Dear Dr. G.H,
My boyfriend
says that he loves me, and sometimes I can feel it. But
latley he has been acting like an @$$ and I don't know what to
do. I really love this guy but I am VERY skepticle about
his apreiciation for me. At school he stands by me and sits
by me at lunch, but in art class when him, one of my friends and
I are talking he just doesn't really care for me. At least
that is what I think. We have been dating for seven months
and god I love him. (Can you tell?) When he and I
are alone at Capitol Ice (that's where ALL my friends and I hang
out) he and I are usually snuggled up in a corner separated from
our friends, and we are just talking. I feel so safe with
him when we are like this. It's kinda funny but I like him
sooooooo much and he says he REALLY likes me too, but we haven't
really kissed. I mean we have pecked or whatever, but never
acctually "made-out". And I want to so badly,
but I am afraid. I just wanna know how I can forget my fear and
just kiss him.
Your best Friend,
Kissing and Secrets
Dear Kissing and Secrets:
From the sound
of your letter the whole "relationship" game is very
new and you are a young girl embarking on many "firsts"
and new experiences. My best advice to you: don't
rush things. Let time and intuition guide your decisions.
Younger boys can be very temperamental which means that,
though they might seem head over heels one minute, they can just
as easily seem "all about the boys" the next. Don't
take things too seriously. Chances are they are just confused
and trying to figure out their priorities in life. When the time
is right you'll know, and it won't be a moment of intense stress
and anxiety, but likely, a spontaneous moment that brings about
great memories! Until then, enjoy spending time with your
girlfriends because, as most any "new" relationships
goes, if the two of you hit it off you may be spending all of
your time together.
Best of luck,
Dr. Goodheart
/ Flirting.com
* * *
Dear Dr. Goodheart,
I met this man
at a Steer Roping, I am the timekeeper, you know the person who
sits in the booth announcing times, who's next at the rodeo's,
anyway. This man has been coming by since the summer, not everyday,
but once in a great while, well he started coming by frequently,
at first I just viewed him as any other roper, then the other
day... He asked if I could hold his cell phone... I thought, what
do I look like a cellphone holder? But this caught my attention..."If
it rings, tell them... your my grlfriend and I am not there."
I was shocked....so I responded..."ok...".
And another
incident occured yesterday Friday, he left his sun glasses with
me and said with a smile..." You can wear them...probably
look better on you then me.." So I just kinda blew it off,
and put them to the side, at the conclusion of the roping... he
didn't come back up to get his glasses, so I walked across the
arena and handed them to him. He... I cannot decribe it.. it was
an "intimate handshake"? So I smiled and he casually
asked where I lived... So I told him "Oh, across the road."
I was so scared... and I was walking out of the arena and told
him, " I will see you Wednesday." he acted like he didn't
hear me and started walking up to me and asked hat I said, "I
said I will see you Wednesday." and I smiled. Then he said
"Ok, see you Wednesday and turned around, and walked back
to his truck.
See the thing
is here I am 21 and sure I have had boyfriends, but I never really
know how to flirt and fraternizing with the ropers was one thing
that I swore to my self that I wouldn't do and all day I have
been thinkin is it me he really likes? Or is it that I have the
power to take 1 or 2 seconds off the time or let him rope for
free? Well I am awaiting this upcoming Wednesday, any advice you
can give me will be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Novice Flirter - AZ
Dear Novice Flirter,
It sounds like
what you have here is your regular "Rodeo Romeo."
Not that that's necessarily a bad thing! However,
it does sound like your recent "crush" is quite the
charismatic cowboy. If you are slightly hesitant to dive
in head first, for the reasons mentioned, I would suggest proceeding
with caution. It seems that you are more smitten than you
may want to admit. Rather than suppressing these feelings,
simply watch your step. Make this guy work for your affection
rather than letting him use witty quips and charming one-liners
to smooth his way onto your good side. If this guy has a
hidden agenda, a steady temperament and slow reaction from you
just may expose any possible ill intentions on his behalf. If
his intentions are honest and good, however, your cautious and
professional approach to "getting to know him better"
will likely be the best thing to earn his respect and mutual affection.
Go get 'em
cowgirl!
Best of luck,
Dr. Goodheart
/ Flirting.com
* * *
Dr. Goodheart:
I am currently
separated and see no viable chance that the marriage will recover.
That being said.... At work at a particular building we
have been doing some work in.. there is this attractive blonde...
When I first saw her. she gave me a nice smile ... since it has
proceeded to short comments etc. I have no idea if she
is married.. no ring.
I am 52 and
she seems to be much younger late 30's to early forties if that
... so I see that as a road block also.... The fact that
we are at work also makes me hesitate to act. Just wondering what
you think... I find myself looking for reasons to be in her area....
I dont quite have the nerve or know what to say to find out exactly
where I or she stands... maybe she is just a really friendly
lady....
Thanks
Jim
Dear Jim,
It sounds like
you are going through quite a tough time personally. I am
very sorry. Times like these usually mean a long road to
rediscovering the "Self": personal wants, likes,
dislikes, dreams, ambitions, etc. During this new phase
of your life you'll still be recovering from your previous
experiences, and, from the sound of it, that marriage may have
lasted quite awhile. A divorce is no easy thing to get over,
but that does not mean that you do not have the right to move
on with your life and search for happiness, be that with a new
person or no.
The blonde at work could be potentially sticky. However,
at your age I’m assuming you have the professionalism and
the maturity to treat the scenario gingerly and to treat the woman
with the professional courtesy and respect she deserves.
I wouldn't suggest you inhibit yourself from potentially
pursuing something with this woman at work for the mere sake of
not hurting your ex wife's feelings, IF the relationship
is clearly over. However, if you have any hope at all that
you may rectify things with your ex wife I would suggest you consider
cooling your jets until things are clearer between you and the
wife. Also, if the separation is recent you may want to
keep any progress with a new relationship on the backburner, though
eventually you will want to come clean for the benefit of both
your ex partner, and your own conscience.
For now, I suggest you proceed with a guarded heart. Don't
rush head first into things, since the scenario is potentially
risky both professionally and personally. You can't
fully commit to the present, or the future for that matter, until
the ghosts of the past are at peace. I suggest making this
your first priority. Then, actively seek regaining that
happiness you deserve, be it with the new woman or you ex wife.
Best of luck,
Dr. Goodheart
/ Flirting.com
* * *
To Goodheart
Doctor:
I wonder more
with my friend about the degree of love in girls and boys(women
&men) Who has more love than another (for his/her parterner)
between man and woman? And to which extent do you think drops
down the love of a woman/man when there's misconfort [discomfort?-GH].
Or to which percentage do u think it can reach for woman(girl)/man(boy)
when she loves a lot. Please if possible estimate the rate of
love in persentage for men /women. How does it differ? Personally
I think, the love of women reaches up to 95% and drops down quickly
to 5%. Men I estimate theirs reach 80% and slightly drops to 30%.
Can u give me your thinking on this?
Yours,
Wonders and Answers
Dear Wonders and Answers,
I am not quite
sure I know how to answer your question. In truth, I don't
believe it can be answered. I believe each person, regardless
of the gender, is shaped by a set of unique experiences and ideologies
that dictates their cognitive decision making processes, "life"
philosophies, and their individual schematic for a desired partner.
I don't think it is fair, nor accurate, to say that
a woman or a man can or does love more than the other. Also, I think
it is inaccurate to assume that the level of love- (for that matter,
I don't think there's such a thing as levels of love)
- drops in a relationship, irregardless of circumstance of times
of trial. I think Love, as the ultimate “end all,
be all” goal of a relationship (and, arguably life for that
matter), is something that is extremely rare to find. I
don't believe everyone is privy to finding it in life, though
some may spend their whole lives searching.
Though I do
think you can learn to "love" a person, I strongly
believe "True Love," whatever that abstract concept
may mean, is rare and precious and when discovered, is more permanent
than time… and indestructible. However, to
kind of "get on your page," I do think women have
had the tendency to get wrapped up in the emotive and the passionate
aspects of a relationship (or at least that is the way media and
literature has typecast them as behaving) which makes them appear
more “in” or “not in” love with their
partner. Men have stereotypically been associated with “reason”-
an ideology stemming back to the 18th century, and so it has regularly
been accepted and assumed by society that men are less "emotionally
committed" to their relationships than women.
However, from
my experience and education I have come to the conclusion (though
that doesn’t necessarily mean I am right either) true love
knows no boundaries, percentages, and is not capable of quantifying
or qualifying into any reductive category or label. Love
is indescribable, and above all, immeasurable. And that’s
what makes Love special: it is, like faith, like the Devine; above
the Words and Reason of man. I hope that
helps.
Best of luck,
Dr. Goodheart
/ Flirting.com
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