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Dr. Goodheart's Flirting Hints
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Dr. Goodheart's Flirting Hints for Dating Success

New Year's Resolutions: Put Your Energy Where it Matters Most

January 1st: Another new year, another attempt at unreasonable resolutions for all things geared toward self-improvement, including a better love life. Sitting here at 3:30 am, unable to sleep because a certain new member of the family (our puppy, Bailey) has decided she prefers sleeping on my head, rather than by it, I realize that this year's resolutions should be less selfish and more self-less. What with the stress of my in-the-process professional life, and the addition of our new "baby," things around the house have been less than, well, romantic on a day to day basis. In fact, stressed out and exhausted from the holidays, sex is precisely the last thing on my married mind; looking back at my last few columns, it seems to be a pattern. Which gets me thinking: do all newlywed couples struggle this much through the holidays? If so, how do we get back on track?

In taking up the clichéd self-improvement route, this year I decided to focus on bettering myself as a wife and woman, rather than just trying to shed those extra few sugar pounds from the holidays.

After joining back up at my local yoga studio, a place that is insanely grounding and unbelievably relaxing, I realize I'm coming home more "centered," more energized, and more attune to my husband's, as well as my own intimate needs. Somehow, my normal "get back in shape" routine got turned into a "get grounded" regimen that is helping me naturally put things back in perspective - just in time too, might I add. 

As things slowly get back to normal, I realize that starting the New Year isn't about starting over; it isn't about torturing yourself with lofty goals of idealism; it isn't about added pressures or stress. No, the New Year is about new chances to get back on track; to resume normalcy with a fresh step and a clear perspective. The New Year isn't about setting a whole new set of goals; rather, it's about looking at the same goals from a new perspective, with a newfound energy to realize those dreams still deferred, and to finally make them a reality.

Settling into married life, I know I’ll eventually be wanting kids. But my career hasn’t even really started yet. If I go onto my doctorate, I have at least four to five more years of schooling before I can even really consider the trials (and tribulations, of course) of starting a family. Nonetheless, this month is a time for me to reevaluate how I plan on managing my professional and personal life, how I intend to resolve the stresses of working towards a career that takes a little longer to get to, while working on my relationship and our goals as a married couple that I can do right now, in the present moment, each and every single day. While my career goals may change every few years or so, or every month with the fluctuating hormones, my husband is a constant. I now realize this year should be the time I spend focusing my energy on him before the evil career rears its ugly head and forces my energy to retreat elsewhere.

In the meantime, I hope all of you at a similar impasse can find energy and enthusiasm to do the same: Careers are important, and money is necessary for survival in this society; but, without love, nothing’s really worth living for anyway. This year, give yourself some time to reflect on your own personal relationships with significant others, and find the strength to reinforce those bonds before tackling other goals, which are really not as important. Besides, the more you focus on loving your partner, the less either you or they will notice those extra turkey pounds you wanted to shed. Who knows, you just may even burn them off…in bed.

Until then,

Happy New Year!

Dr. Goodheart

Flirting.com

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